Ella - The World According To A Disney Doll

Chapter 26 - "Truly, Madly, Deeply" - 1st October 2012.

Heartbroken, miserable, and angry, I felt so alone. However my first encounter with Rocky since our fight did NOT go quite how I expected. Partly due to my stubborn temper, and his surprisingly determined antics. But also because things turned out to be a little DIFFERENT than I had originally supposed ! ... 

You can find the FULL story on my facebook blog here ... https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.151342071687168.35220.150797015075007&type=3

You can check out the music slideshow to this chapter on Youtube here ... http://youtu.be/7_ATG0hDEbQ

Chapter 26 - "Truly, Madly, Deeply".

You would have thought after spending the entire weekend crying my eyes out, I would have run out of tears by now, but apparently not. I was heartbroken, I felt so alone, and I hated the fact that even after what he had done, I still missed Rocky terribly. But that thought just got me even more upset and confused, so the tears flowed all the more, I didn’t know what to do ? I knew there was only one person in the world that I could turn to, and that was Jem.

As I sat there sobbing in her arms, somehow I felt a little less alone. I hadn’t told her everything that had happened between Rocky & I on Friday, she didn’t know about what I had seen of him with Crystal, or the confrontation, and almost fight, that had broken out between Rocky & Anthony afterwards. All Jem knew was that something BIG had happened, and it had broken us apart.

“Shhhh Ella, everything will be ok” she said soothingly “I’m sure its not as bad as you are fearing, now come on, dry your eyes and try and pull yourself together a bit”.

The tone of Jem’s voice was so very calming, but she didn’t know how bad things REALLY were.

“But it is that bad” I cried in despair “it’s worse in fact, I’m such a fool for ever believing he really cared about me!” I was still fighting back more tears that were welling in my eyes as I spoke.

Jem looked a little shocked by what I had come out with, and responded saying “Oh Ella … obviously I don’t know the ins and outs of what has happened between you two, but there is one thing I do know for sure, and that’s the way Rocky feels about you … he loves you so very much”.

As I sat there listening, I wondered if Jem would have said the same thing had she known about the return of Crystal, she’s the doll that Rocky is supposed to be with after all, they were literally made for each other. I never stood a chance, I wasn’t going to be able to compete with that kind of deep connection! But as Jem didn’t know about all that at the moment, I decided instead, to focus on another point which had suddenly crossed my mind.

“Does he ? Does he really ? I’m not so sure” I started. I was trying ever so hard to rationalise everything in my mind, but could not help feeling so overwhelmed by my emotions as I continued “I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and, he never ever told me that he loved me … not once” this was very true, and made me hurt even more inside when I thought about it. I replayed every conversation we had ever had, in my head, and not once had those word left his lips “he called me lovable, said he was falling for me, he said he loved my pink dress … It was all the time implied, but he never ever actually said the words, I love you !!”.

By now I was starting to wonder why Jem was looking so distracted, at first I thought it had something to do with what I was telling her, and then I realised she was watching something behind me.

When I turned around to see what had gotten her so caught up, I realised that Rio and Rocky were standing right there! Had they just arrived ? or indeed, had they been there all along, and heard everything I had said in my little chat with Jem ? Either way, I was feeling extremely uncomfortable by their presence.

Rocky was looking so very out of sorts, and almost lost in his own thoughts when I first glimpsed sight of him, I think it was very clear from the look on his face that he had heard everything that I had been telling Jem, and it appeared to bother him, it bothered him a lot. As soon as he noticed I had seen him though, he tried to cover his obvious hurt, and smiled a little at me, saying softly “Hello Ella”.

He looked so uncomfortable as he stood there gazing at me, there was a look of pain, hurt, and anguish about him. But somehow that almost made me feel a little cross, I was the one he had wronged, so he had no right to be looking like that. I wanted to see him looking, guilty, sorry and grief stricken that he had hurt me in such an awful way, but instead he appeared to look even more wounded inside than I was. It was all very strange and confusing, and I didn’t really know how to react.

By now Rio had climbed up and joined his wife on the cushion beside us, he held her hand and they looked at each other a little worriedly. I started to wonder if this meeting between Rocky and I was actually their doing ? something they planned ? To be honest it was a rather strange coincidence that Rocky, just so happened to be there at that precise moment. But before I could really think any more about that Rocky decided to try and talk to me some more,

“Ella … I was just wondering if I could have a quick word ?” he asked tentatively, I could feel the pressure of the situation building, but I still sat there saying nothing.

“Maybe we should go ?” Jem muttered to Rio quietly, I think they were feeling even more awkward, being sat in the middle of all this, than Rocky and I were.

“No, don’t you move !” I replied to her rather snappily, I know I shouldn’t have talked in such an awful way to my very good friend, but it was almost as though something else inside me had taken over, and my rational side had taken a back seat, it was just along for the ride, at the mercy of my emotions.

I then promptly climbed down from the cushions to face Rocky, I was moody and full of attitude, and I knew it, but again, at the time I had no real self control.

“Well ?” I said sarcastically “I’m here, what do you want then ?”.

He looked a little surprised by my behaviour, and to be honest I don’t blame him, even I was thinking to myself at the time, what on earth am I doing ?

“Errr … well” he replied, I could see he was ever so unsure of how to handle me in this sort of state, but soldiered on anyway “I was hoping that we could go somewhere and have a proper talk … just the two of us?”.

Unfortunately I did not want to hear a word Rocky had to say, so my behaviour worsened, I just turned away from him saying, in a very stroppy childish kind of manner “Not interested”. I was acting very badly, but I just couldn’t cope, and didn’t know what to do? I think in reality I didn’t want us to go and have a talk, I couldn’t cope with the thought of having to sit there and have him tell me at great length how sorry he is, but Crystal is his one true love, blah blah blah … no, no, no I just couldn’t face it.

Still trying ever so hard to break through my prickly exterior, Rocky came up behind me, he sounded almost as though he was pleading as he spoke “Ella please, just give me a chance to explain everything to you. There’s a lot I need to say to you, it’s not something we need to discuss in public though, so will you please just come with me ? … I promise I will tell you everything”

I still wouldn’t look at him, I just shook my head insistently, so that he would know that I wasn’t going to play along.

Rocky then gave out a big sigh of despair, and said “I don’t know what else I can do? I’ve had enough of this …”.

And with that he started to walk away shaking his head softly. I glanced behind and was secretly very disappointed that he had given up so easily, but really considering how I had been behaving, I wasn’t at all surprised. As I looked away, I felt as though the tears were starting to come back again, I was so confused and seemed to be doing everything wrong.

Then out of nowhere, Rocky suddenly appeared straight in front of me, looking ever so forceful saying “I’m sorry, but you’ve left me with no choice !!”.

And with that he picked me up, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me off !!!

When I got over the initial split second shock of what had just happened, I started to kick and struggle whilst squealing “Let me go !! … Put me down !!”

“Not a chance !!” he replied, he almost sounded as though he was enjoying this, and just continued walking away.

I really couldn’t believe this was really happening, but no matter how much I tried, I could not escape his hold. It was only in this moment when I realised exactly how strong Rocky could be when he wanted to, I had never really noticed before, as he had usually always been so soft and gentle with the way he handled me, but obviously I had pushed him a bit too far this time, but I had been behaving like a spoiled brat !

“Rocky, this is not funny anymore” I declared angrily, not that I really thought it was funny in the first place though “put me down, NOW !!!”

We passed through the dining room, and into the kitchen and I was starting to wonder, where on earth he was taking me? As we went through the edge of the kitchen I spotted the display cabinet where my sisters lived, I prayed that they might not have seen this rather dramatic display, but that probably wasn’t very likely, was it ?!

Rocky marched straight into the conservatory and across the whole room, I spotted the very place where we had first kissed, and that made me feel ever so sad. But he continued on undeterred, despite my constant kicking, screaming and general reluctance at being handled in such a way, he obviously knew what he was doing, even if I hadn’t a clue.

We finally stopped by the cane table and chair set at the far end of the room. I was still struggling so hard, I didn’t seem to be in a very co-operative mood.

“Look, I’ve had enough of this, you need to calm down, and stop acting like a child !” he sounded so very fed up, and the way he spoke was as though he was telling me off.

He tried to put me down carefully, but with all the thrashing about I ended up falling on the floor, with quite a thud. Rocky almost rolled his eyes, we both knew that it was my own fault I was sitting down here.

I was so shocked by this whole thing, I didn’t quite know what was happening ? He was of course right though, I had been behaving very childishly. If I had been reasonable, and just gone with him to have the chat in the first place, and if I had not lashed out when he tried to put me down, then I wouldn’t be in this situation now. I had pushed him too far, and felt quite affected by his stern reaction, even though I did deserve it. I think that both of our emotions were a little out of control up until this point, so neither of us had been acting normally. I was a bit embarrassed and ashamed of myself, but didn’t want to admit it to him, I was still furious at his betrayal.

I think he realised straight away that he had been a little too harsh though, he sighed and looked down at me sympathetically saying “Come on, lets get you off the floor” as he leaned down and helped me up. I didn’t really want his assistance, but didn’t want to make another scene.

When I got to my feet I couldn’t look at him, I just glared across the room into space, I decided that the next move would have to be his, after all he was the one who wanted to bring me here in the first place.

Rocky seemed to have calmed down a lot by now, and I think we both felt a little awkward about our behaviour. There was a brief few moments when we both said nothing, you could have cut the atmosphere between us with a knife.

“I’m sorry I dragged you in here like that” he said quietly, I could hear the regret and strain of the entire situation in his voice “and I’m so sorry I shouted at you just now”. His demeanour then changed and appeared a little sad as he went on “Look, if you don’t want to see me again, or have anything more to do with me, then I will understand and respect that … but I am not going to let you go, without hearing what I have to say first …”.

I could tell he was building up to start his explanation of Crystal. I had an overwhelming sense of panic, as the moment got closer and closer. I couldn’t take it anymore, I wanted to say something first, I had to, in the hopes of perhaps saving face a little.

“You don’t have to say anything, I understand” I blurted, making sure I had interrupted him before he could make his point “I heard everything … Crystal is so pleased that true love conquers all, and that you two are finally back together after all these years”. I was getting ever so overly animated, and almost ridiculous as I spoke, but I was trying so very hard not to cry. I thought if I could say everything first, then it wouldn’t hurt as much as actually having to listen to him telling me. And so I carried on “She is your one true love, you two are ‘meant’ to be together … and I guess that you didn’t know she was even up in the loft, otherwise you wouldn’t have lead me on like that”.

Rocky was looking so confused, and a little amused by the way I was almost putting words in his mouth without even letting him speak, and still I could not stop talking, I was far too afraid of what he might say, if I did “So I guess you are VERY sorry that you have broken my heart, and crushed the life out of my soul. But seeing as you didn’t do it on purpose, that’s supposed to make it ok … isn’t it …” by now I was fighting back the tears so hard, I wasn’t at all sure what I was saying anymore.

I think Rocky had heard enough, before I could say another word he grabbed my arm gently and said “Ella stop … please”, as he looked at me I knew this was it, this was going to be the moment, the moment he was going to ‘officially’ break my heart …

“Sweetheart, you can’t just overhear a tiny part of a conversation, take it out of context by filling in the gaps yourself, and overreact like that” Hmmm …that wasn’t quite what I was expecting him to say … but I couldn’t really see how else what I’d seen, and heard, could be interpreted. But luckily he had not finished what he was trying to say “Crystal was pleased, and excited, that’s true. But she was reacting to the fact, I had just been telling her all about how happy I am … with YOU !” … Eh ??! … What ?!? … Ohhh … Eh ??

“Bu .. bu .. I … she …” I was so confused about what was going on here, I just gibbered a little, not making much sense.

“My Darling, Crystal is not my long lost love, nor has she ever been … she’s my Sister!” I think Rocky was hoping that the truth of the matter would finally clear up this whole misunderstanding. But my brain just had a sense of shock about it all … Sister?!? … what on earth is he talking about ??

I still found his reply somewhat bewildering, so I just blurted out, without thinking “Since when do Ken dolls have Barbie dolls as sisters ?”.

Rocky laughed at my bluntness, smiling compassionately as he responded “Yes, Crystal Ken and Barbie were designed to be ’made for each other’ companion piece dolls … but even from straight out of the box, Crystal and I never felt THAT way about each other, I don’t know why, we just didn’t that’s all. We still have a very close bond though … which is why she’s my Sister” …. Ohhhh!!! … oh dear, I was beginning to get the impression that I might have, maybe, perhaps, slightly made a bit of a mistake with all this now … oh !

“But if its all so innocent, like you say … then why have you never mentioned her before ?” I replied slightly snappily, I was still feeling there were a lot more questions about this whole thing which needed answering, and I think was partly also looking for something to justify away my behaviour.

“Well, that’s the thing, you see” Rocky was sounding a little sorrowful as he spoke “She broke … quite badly actually, she cracked her neck piece, and split the ball joint to her head … it was all very upsetting at the time” I could tell it was becoming a little harder for him to speak, he was getting almost choked up “I thought she was dead, and had gone out with the rubbish years ago! … but it seems Holly had kept her pieces, and when she found Crystal in one of the toy boxes in the roof recently, she found a, sort of, way to reattach her head … its still not quite right, and she has very little movement, but compared to the alternative, its a miracle she’s still with us” It all sounded ever so sad, and made me feel awful inside, but he still hadn’t really given me a proper answer yet …?

As he stood there studying my reaction closely, it was quite plain there was still a big question mark written all over my face, I think he only then realised, he hadn’t actually answered what I had asked … Why had he not told me about her before ? So he composed himself once more, and began to expand his answer “I hadn’t told you about her, yes that’s true, and I apologise for that, really I do, but … she was a very painful loss, and I didn’t want to burden you with any of my old sorrows … I know that was very stupid, NOW, and I had in fact planned to introduce you to her last Friday ... before everything exploded that is, but then all hell broke loose and, well, here we are …”

I suddenly felt like such a complete and utter idiot !! … if only I had let him in explain all this in the first place, rather than just running away, or if only I had been brave enough to have been a grown up, and asked him about Crystal when I was curious, this entire misunderstanding, and upset could have been avoided. I felt so foolish, and was so embarrassed that I had been that stupid, I couldn’t even look Rocky in the eye through most of that little chat.

And as if all that wasn’t enough though, it appeared there was still more he wanted to say to me !

“Ella” he said tentatively, it made me start to worry what was coming next ? “As important as all that was to clear up … that’s not the reason why I brought you out here” Rocky had now walked around the other side of me and was standing rather close, but I still couldn’t look directly at him though.

There was a little pause before he spoke, where the tension between us grew, he then finally continued “I wanted to bring you here for a specific reason … you see, this spot is very special, and important to me … and us in a way” I was getting curious where he was going with this ? I wondered if he was referring to our first kiss, which had been in this room, although it wasn’t in this spot, it was way over there, by the sofa.

Rocky was sounding so passionate, but also slightly shy as he went on “Sweetheart, I heard what you were saying to Jem earlier, just before you noticed I was standing behind you. So I had to bring you out here, so I could tell you myself … You see, it was here, on this very spot, where you are standing right now, that I knew …” but then nothing … he just stopped talking and looked a little lost. The intensity of this whole conversation was building more and more, I could not help but look up at him, and I instantly saw his eyes were swimming in the deep sea of emotions which he was trying to convey.

Still having so much trouble getting his words out, I think Rocky then decided, it might be better to start afresh, as he seemed to get sidetracked a little “Remember the picnic, when you were sat inside here, pretending this table and chair set was some wonderful imaginary tree house ? … I stood out here watching you … so happy and alive, playfully adventurous and funny, and so very beautiful to behold … that was the moment, the very first moment, before movie night, or asking you out, before our wonderful date, or even the magic of our first kiss. It was in that moment, right here during the picnic, when I first knew in my heart, how much … I truly deeply … Love you !”

Oh my god !! I was speechless, I couldn’t even think anything, my brain was so stunned by Rocky’s ever so passionate declaration, I just gasped a little. With my mouth gaped like that I must have looked like a goldfish !

Upon seeing my startled response he smiled and reached into his pocket, pulling out a flower, it was the one from our first date, the one which I had so cruelly thrown at him during our fight last week. He held it in his hand lovingly “I was kind of hoping that you might want this back ?” I was so touched that he had kept it, I hadn’t even noticed that he had it in his pocket all this time. As I gazed down at the little flower, Rocky continued to say “I would like you to wear it again, as a symbol of how much, I do in fact, Love you … even if I have not said those actual words to you before now” he made me laugh with that comment, and then looked ever so cheeky as he added “And hopefully, it’s also a symbol of how much you love me ? … even if the first time you told me, was when you were ‘shouting’ at me on Friday!” … Oh dear, what a funny pair we make !

I really found it hard not to giggle a touch at his last statement … although when I thought about it, on reflection, I felt awful that I had, in fact, been shouting angrily at Rocky when I said that I loved him for the very first time! And I still felt so very guilty, and stupid about the way I had overreacted to the Crystal situation. So I decided, that all had to be put to rights now, although when I thought about it, I hadn’t a clue how on earth I could possibly make it all up to him? …

“Oh Rocky … I’m so sorry very about everything” I mumbled rather meekly, whilst trying so hard to not burst out crying again “I know I’m an idiot, and I cant believe you still want me after everything I put you through … you are far too good to me, and I really don’t deserve you …” I was beating about the bush here, I really needed to get on with it, and just get down to the point, but what the hell is my point? As right now I don’t think I even knew what I was blubbering on about “I … I just … well … just wanted to say, for the record that is … that … mere words cannot express how much you mean to me, my heart aches for you when you are not by my side … and the thing is … is … no matter what …” I was still fumbling around, and hadn’t a clue where I was going with this. But then I remembered the song, the one I had heard him singing with such conviction and passion, when he was working on the cars last week, and so I simply said “I will Love you, always !”

When I was finally brave enough to look Rocky in the face again, I realised that he was ever so pleased. Although for some reason, I felt like I had not nearly been as wonderful at expressing myself as the way in which he had conveyed his very deep love for me … but then I guess it’s not like it’s a competition or anything, is it.

He held me close in his arms, and very slowly leaned in, and kissed me !

This was not the over the top, impassioned type though, like when he was trying to make a point to a certain Prince that I am not going to mention. He was gentle and soft, which somehow made the meeting of our lips feel almost tingly and magical. Everything was sort of slow and patient, like we could have spent our whole lives in this one kiss.

But I guess, in a way, it was good that it felt so special, after all it was my very first ‘official’ True Loves kiss !

As you can see the kissing went of for quite a while, but I don’t think that either of us were going to complain. And even though I had hated all of the hurt, and fighting, I have to say, I did really enjoy the making up part, a lot !

 When our lips were finally having a break from one another, I felt so at home back in Rocky’s loving embrace. But I think we were both reflecting on the ups, downs, and strange dramas from the past few days, it was then that he said to me.

“My Darling, what am I going to do with you ? … You’re so hot-headed and rash, you lead with your heart, before your head even gets a look in, and you always seem to manage to find some kind of drama in ‘everything’ !!” he then sighed for a second, smiled, and then finished by adding “You’re just lucky that’s one of the many things I love so very much about you ... and well … my life with you is certainly not gonna be dull, is it !”.