Ella - The World According To A Disney Doll

Chapter 34 - "What If ?" - 17th October 2012.

Some new arrivals from Rocky's past are a welcome surprise for him and I. However they certainly get me thinking about a few things though ... Hmmm, what if ?? ...

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Chapter 34 - "What If ?".

Rocky and I were taking ‘Greased Lightening 2’ out for a spin around the house today, he had spent most of the previous day, when I had been pre-occupied with my girly friends, fiddling, tweaking, and sorting out the alignment of one of the rear wheels. I don’t think he was being picky, or trying to find fault with his gift, he just likes to fiddle, and being a mechanic is very particular about the way he wants a car to drive and handle.

After making so many adjustments he wanted to take the car for a nice long test run to make sure it was all ok, he insisted that I had to accompany him on this little excursion, but I didn’t mind, after all you have to remember, I do have an interest in cars myself. I was just pleased that he was still finding so much enjoyment in his present, even days after I had given it to him.

The only problem was that Rocky kept trying to get me to have a go in his new toy, which was very sweet of him, and in truth I was a little tempted and intrigued what it would feel like, compared to the Jeep I had driven before. But there was no way in hell I was going to drive this car !! It was far to special to Rocky, I would never be able to live with myself if anything happened to it that was my doing.

So I came out with feeble excuse, after feeble excuse, I was hoping that he might get the hint, but for some reason REALLY did not want to drop the subject. We were nearing the kitchen/garage workshop area, and I started to get a little concerned that when we stopped he would become much more insistent on my giving the car a try, I had to think of something ? … anything, that could get me out of it ? … but so far nothing … oh heck !!

My salvation came in a rather strange manner though, as we arrived at our destination I noticed something, or some people waiting for us ! I pointed in there direction full of curiosity, but was so startled I couldn’t quite manage to speak.

There was an unfamiliar looking doll family waiting by Rocky’s Jeep ! They were smiling enthusiastically, and even waved at our approach. But I hadn’t got a clue who the were … how very odd ?

I turned to ask Rocky if he knew who they were, but could instantly see by the shocked and pleased look on his face as he grinned back at them, it was rather apparent they were not as unknown to him as they were to me.

As he reversed the car back into its spot, Rocky leaned over the side saying ever so ecstatically “I don’t believe it ! … I really don’t believe it … Heart, mate how you doin’ ?”.

I sat there still feeling confused by everything, so far no-one, not even Rocky had explained anything to me. But I was guessing, by his reaction, that this must be a good thing, and I hoped things would soon start to become a little clearer from my perspective ?

“Great mate, just great … thanks for asking” replied the male doll happily, his voice had quite a friendly ring to it, it was in no way as sexy as my Rocky’s, but still he appeared to be a friendly sort of chap, from the few words I had heard him utter.

Rocky continued on chatting “So, you just come out of storage then ? … god I remember what a relief it was when I was freed from that musty old cardboard box up there !” it was only then that he appeared to have noticed the children’s presence “Ooh, nice to see you’ve still got the little-uns with you too !”.

I was beginning to wonder if he had, in fact, forgotten I was sitting here ? I was starting to feel very uncomfortable and awkward about it all as he just kept going on and on … and on.

The family smiled at Rocky’s genuine interest in them, and answered his question about the fact they had indeed just come out of storage in the loft. But seeing as they were facing in my general direction, they were not, on the whole, quite so oblivious to my whereabouts as my Dearest Love appeared to be. The female doll smirked a little sympathetically at me, as the male doll sounded a tad teasing when he finally enquired “So who’s this lovely lady then Rocky ?”.

I never saw the reaction on his face, so don’t really know how shocked he was when it dawned on him! But I guess it’s easily done, and obviously these new dolls suddenly turning up out of the blue like that, had taken Rocky by surprise for a bit.

No sooner that he had been asked about me though, he leaped straight out of the car, I thought I almost heard him mutter “oh god, idiot!” quietly under his breath. That made me feel a little better, knowing he was worried that he’d forgotten about me.

He rushed round to the passenger side of the car to help me out, lending me his hand for support. As he looked down at me, I could see the embarrassment and guilt written all over his face, he really REALLY seemed bothered about his forgetful actions concerning me. I thought he was so very sweet, as he carefully tried to help me up.

I am not sure if I was being too slow for him, or if the weight of his conscience was too much, but he appeared to feel the need to help me out much more extensively, as he suddenly out of nowhere, picked me up in his arms and lifted me over the side. I was quite taken aback by it all, he’s never done that before now. Ooooh errr !!

He held me in his arms for a few moments and whispered ever so quietly “I’m so so sorry my Darling”.

He looked so very guilt stricken for his slight memory lapse, but I knew he had not done it intentionally, and even though I felt awkward at the time, wasn’t cross at him or anything. I was almost starting to feel a pain in my heart from watching his anguish, so softly replied “I know, don’t worry about it, honestly” in the hopes it might start to ease his agony.

I must admit, I did feel ever so safe and at home in his arms, I almost wished I could have stayed there … but then I remembered …

As Rocky gently placed my feet on the ground I could feel our every move was being watched by the doll family sitting across the room from us. I was a little curious what they must think of all this strange behaviour between my Dearest Love and I ? But it’s probably one of those things I would never get an answer too.

Still looking a tad worried, Rocky held me in his arms for a couple more seconds as he once again apologised, but then continued on to say “Don’t worry about meeting them Sweetheart, honestly they are some of the nicest dolls you will ever encounter!”.

I began to wonder where this comment had come from ? After all, had I said a word to him about being worried to meet these new dolls ? … OK, so it was pretty obvious, he knows me far too well by know, and probably knows what bothers me sometimes before I even realise it myself. However, for some reason him telling me not to worry, had the opposite effect of actually starting the worry going in my mind ! … Oh well I’m no stranger to nerves, am I ?!

Rocky then took me by the hand as he playfully declared “Come on, I will introduce you properly this time!”.

I was led around the other side of the car, where the doll family were patiently waiting for us. I was not as scared as I thought I would be, but I guess anything would seem easy, compared to the worry and panic I had before meeting Rocky’s sister. And when you think about it, how well did that turn out ? … perhaps I am finally starting to relax more about meeting new people ? … Hmmm maybe not, but any progress in the right direction has to be a good thing doesn’t it.

Rocky had brushed off his earlier behaviour, and now looked totally at ease as he started his introduction “Ella, this is the Heart family! They are more of Holly’s childhood dolls, who I obviously knew quite well”.

He then carried on by telling me “That’s Missy, and she’s holding her son Peter, but everyone calls him Petey.”

I greeted Missy with genuine enthusiasm, I could instantly see how warm and motherly she appeared. I had never before encountered any dolls who were parents, so found this whole thing quite intriguing to say the least.

Missy was a Barbie type doll, she wore an elegant sheer pink dress with white lace trimmings, it looked quite pretty, but obviously more comfortable and practical than most of my wardrobe. Her hair was tied back rather neatly, at first I thought it might be to do with her being a mum, but after looking closer realised she must have suffered one of Holly’s rather infamous drastic hair cuts many many years ago, as there wasn’t really much hair left to work with. But she looked tidy, and very presentable all the same.

Petey just sort of stared at me, it made me feel a little on edge, but that might have been because I had never seen any child or baby type dolls in my size before, in fact before now I didn’t even know that Holly had ever owned any during her childhood !

Rocky then went on to introduce the male doll “And this is Missy’s husband, Heart, and their little daughter Pamela, but we all call her Pammy”.

I could instantly see that Heart was a Ken doll, he reminded me a little of my Rocky, but he was not quite as handsome or a smiley, even though this guy had a nice smile, he just didn’t appear as playfully adorable as my Dearest Love. But then, I shouldn’t really expect them to be the same should I ? I mean, I am not exactly the same as my Cinderella sister dolls, am I ?

Heart looked quite smart in his little suit outfit, and his pink tie really caught my eye, it looked quite sweet how well it matched the colour of his wife’s dress and daughters romper suit. I still found it all so strange that there was an actual doll ‘family’ in our midst though. I mean, I am used to couples as there’s Jem & Rio who are married, and Calamity and Reid who are certainly appearing as though they could end up heading in that direction too. But an actual family, with children, that was so unfamiliar to me, the Disney Store don’t exactly produce 12” scale kids to go along with their Prince and Princess doll range, so I guess is was something I had never really considered the possibility of before.

Now that I had been properly brought up to speed on who everyone else was, it was time for Rocky to introduce me to the Hearts, I was actually rather interested to find out what he was going to say, as he’d never really introduced me to anyone before, apart from his sister, but the way in which I met Crystal was slightly bizarre, and by the time we actually talked we both already knew who the other was. I was also rather curious how he was going to describe our relationship, we all know how much trouble I have had with that in the past … with my sisters I didn’t even manage to finish my introduction, as I got so flustered and could not come up with a word that accurately described him. And with the new Disneyland dolls I could only think of calling him ‘My guy!’.

Rocky gazed at me so adoringly, never breaking eye contact, not even for a microsecond, as he said ever so proudly “Missy, Heart, this is my wonderful girlfriend Ella”.

Awwww, he just called me his girlfriend ! He has never said that before, well never when I have been around anyway. My heart went all a flutter at the mere mention of the word. I know I was probably being rather daft here, I mean Rocky and I have been together for quite a while now, its not as if I didn’t already know I was his girlfriend, its just, well, somehow him saying the word out loud to other people made it feel even more official and real. I got a little carried away giggling inside as I started thinking over and over … Ooooh I’m Rocky’s girlfriend !! … Oh dear what am I like ?

“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you Ella” Missy replied warmly.

Her husband then added quite jovially “Yeah, anyone who can keep this guy in line has to be something pretty special!” … what an odd comment to make ? Why would my Rocky need keeping in line ? He’s always lovely and well behaved. But perhaps he was just teasing, maybe that’s a common trait amongst Ken dolls ? Who knows ?!

They were ever so friendly and nice though, just as Rocky had said they would be. Although I still found the sight of the four of them rather strange … they were a ‘Family’ !!

Things went a little quiet after the introductions had finished, but I could tell that Heart was dying to have a proper catch up with Rocky, as he leaned down asking his wife if she would take their daughter for a while. I started to wonder how well he and Rocky had known each other back in the day ? Was he perhaps a closer friend than Rio had been ? Or were they some kind of relations ? Obviously not brothers, but perhaps cousins or something like that ? … Flippin heck, my mind was racing a mile a minute !! I will have to try and slow it down a bit, so that I can remember some of these questions to ask Rocky about later.

I watched as Missy sat there with her two children on her lap, she was so clearly a doting mother as she gazed over her offspring with love and affection. It was rather sweet actually, and was obviously something she was, for want of a better phrase, born to do.

By now Rocky and Heart were deep in conversation, to be honest I didn’t really get half of what they were talking about as it all seemed to be stuff relating to the past, and recalling memories of previous funny events etc. I listened intently but couldn’t really grasp most of it. But for the moment I was content to just stand there being held in my Dearest Love’s warm embrace. But I did briefly notice the wedding band on Hearts finger, I have never seen a doll with a wedding ring before … Oooh I wonder if Missy has one to match ?

Rocky got my attention in the conversation properly however, when he enquired “So where’s Corey and Paulie ? … were they not in the storage box with you guys ?” … eh ? … what ? who are Corey and Paulie ? … more dolls I haven’t heard of ? How many childhood dolls did Holly have ? Hmmm, perhaps if I listen in some more all will become clear ?

Heart didn’t appear at all upset or in any way negatively affected by Rocky’s question, which was a good sign, as he replied “They were in the box with us yes, but I don’t think Holly has quite finished sorting them yet … soon though, with any luck”.

“How’s he doing these days ?” said Rocky, his face and voice were now a little more timid and sad sounding, as he added “you know since Maddy ?” … Maddy ? who the hell’s she ? Not another name, I was starting to feel ever so out of the loop here. But then why is this Maddy thing so sad ? Who would have thought that Holly’s childhood dolls would have such intriguing and dramatic pasts ?!

There was a slightly melancholy look on Hearts face as he responded “He’s doing great now … it was tough at first, but he’s come to terms with everything, and is actually rather looking forward to moving on with his life … when Holly finally lets him loose that is!” The guys were now chuckling and the mood gradually lifted back to its joyous beginnings.

The subject quickly got changed again, and it was even more stuff that I hadn’t a clue of and didn’t really follow. But I tried my best to appear polite and interested, even if I hadn’t got the foggiest what they were on about most of the time.

I realised that all this time Missy had been quietly sitting on her own, so thought for the moment I would leave the guys to their catch up chat, and go and find out some more about my new friend.

I didn’t really know what to say at first, I mean its not like I really knew anything about her to help get the conversation going ? The one thing I did know though, was that she was a mother, so I guess that would be as good as any place to start.

“Have you two had children long ?” I enquired, feeling slightly shy and unsure of myself.

Missy looked rather pleased at my interest as she replied “For the past 27 years, Heart and I were parents from straight out of the box ! We sort of came as a family unit, already married with kids”.

Blimey, 27 years !! and straight out of the box ?!! … my word, when I recall what I was like when I had finally been released from my plastic and cardboard prison, there is no way I could have coped with being a wife and a mother of two straight away ! She must be some kind of Super doll or something !

As we continued to talk, Missy asked what kind of doll I was ? I wasn’t at all offended or anything, but was a little surprised I guess, that she didn’t recognise me as a Disney Cinderella doll, but they probably didn’t have those back in he mid 80’s. It felt kind of funny to be a little anonymous and mysterious, but nice all the same, as I knew she had no preconceived ideas about who I was.

After I explained my fairytale origins she looked quite impressed, but I wasn’t sure if that was because of the Cinderella thing ? Or the fact that I wasn’t at all as Princessy as she would have expected. I didn’t really get the opportunity to find out either as her daughter and son were now furiously wriggling about in her arms, I felt a little sorry for her, as she sat there struggling with the pair of them, and so without even thinking said “Do you need a hand ?”.

“Oh, that would be marvellous Ella, Thank you” she replied ever so gratefully, but I have to admit I was not at all prepared for what happened next …

Before I really knew what was going on, or what I had gotten myself into, Missy had handed Pammy over to me ! … I was sort of in shock, and didn’t know quite what to do ? As I stood there holding the little infant in my hands rather awkwardly.

Missy chuckled a little at my naivety saying rather playfully “Don’t worry Ella, she won’t bite !” … hmmm are you sure ? But don’t worry, I would have never dared say that out loud !

As I gazed down at the little bundle of joy in my arms, she looked up at me and smiled whilst giggling … I wonder if that’s a good sign ? She was sort of cute I guess, but I still hadn’t a clue about anything remotely to do with children. In a way I almost felt as though I were holding some kind of strange unfamiliar alien in my hands rather than a tiny person. It was even more shocking when I considered the fact that she was older than I was, 27 years older in truth !! You wouldn’t have thought it to look at her, but then us dolls don’t age or grow in the same way you humans do, granted we suffer wear and tear and damage over time, but basically we are the same doll for our entire life, whatever physical and mental age we start out with, is the one we are stuck with. It was a little saddening that this poor little child had never really had the opportunity to grow, learn and experience things in her very long life, but being an infant doll meant that most things were simply beyond her capabilities, and always would be.

“Oooh I think she likes you” declared Missy, sounding rather pleased that her daughter had taken to me so. Whilst I was stood there though, I started to get the feeling that more eyes were now on me and little Pammy, than just those of her mother !

I finally found a position to hold her more comfortably, a little closer to my body, which was great, as she was starting to feel a little heavy with the way I had held her almost at arms length to start with.

Missy and I continued to chat, but I knew that the guys were now watching us, well not us, ME more precisely, they stared intently at the unusual sight before there eyes. Why is it that sometimes men get so caught up in looking at a woman holding a baby ? I mean, it’s not like Heart, or Rocky for that matter had never seen a child before was it.

Little Pammy, was a rather squirmy wriggly thing to try and keep hold of, but then I guess when I thought about it Petey was being just the same, as he sat in his mothers lap. I had no idea that children moved about this much, where on earth do they get all the energy from ?

I think Missy could see that I was having a bit of a problem keeping her daughter in check, and so suggested I might find it easier if I sat down. Well I guess anything is worth a try at this point.

As I sat alongside her, on the bonnet of the car (that’s hood for those of you in the US as I know you have slightly different cars terms to those of us across the pond here in the UK). I instantly felt more relaxed, Missy was right, it was so much easier to have the child sitting on my lap, and also gave my arms a much needed rest.

Seeing how much more comfortable I now appeared Missy started to talk a little more seriously as she asked “So, do you think you and Rocky will ever have kids ?” … What ?? … What did she just ask ? … oh my word !

My face instantly flushed with embarrassment and I began to feel ever so on edge. How on earth could I possibly answer that ? For starters Rocky and I weren’t even married yet, nor engaged, or even close to being so, so planning a family would have been jumping ahead a few hundred steps. And secondly, I had only just had my very first encounter with a child, which considering my lack of knowledge, or having any clue what to do with one, did not exactly make me feel as though I was prepared to even start thinking about that possibility yet. But, I couldn’t exactly say that to her could I ? … Oh god, what am I going to do ?!

“Errr . . well, errr” I started ever so shyly, I was still very aware of how pink my cheeks had remained “I … errr … think … its, well … not really something we’ve ever discussed” was the most diplomatic way I could think of to answer Missy’s rather personal question.

Oh, I so so soooo hope Rocky had not overheard all of that ? … Oh heck ! … you don’t think he did do you ?

For some reason, even little Pammy was now looking up at me as I spoke, I wondered if she understood what I was saying ? I hoped that she didn’t think my reluctance was in any way a reflection on her. But I doubt that she really had a clue what I was on about, she probably just liked listening to the sound of my Princessy voice.

Still as squirmy as ever, the mischievous little imp was still constantly shuffling about on my lap. She now had moved herself closer to her brother, I couldn’t quite tell if the pair of them wanted to play with one another, or fight ? Perhaps both ? Whilst Missy and I talked I tried to keep a close eye on things, I made sure I kept Pammy just far enough away from her sibling, just in case. Blimey I had no idea how many things your mind and body has to try and juggle at once whilst being a mother … how on earth do they manage it ?

As our chat progressed, I began to wonder if Missy had ever considered doing anything different with herself ? Was she really content with her life solely revolving around her husband and two children ? Had she never dreamed of being, or doing anything more ? But, its not really like she had much of a choice, she was designed and made to be a parent and spouse, like it or not, that was her lot in life, it wasn’t something she ever had the opportunity to make a choice about. But she was ever so happy, and really came across content with her situation, after all she had never known anything different anyway.

By now the guys had decided to join us, Heart placed his hands around his wife’s shoulders so very lovingly. I could see that despite their lack of choices with regards to their partner, they were really and truly in love … so maybe there is something to be said for arranged marriages after all ? I mean 27 years is even longer than Jem and Rio have been together ! Each to there own I guess, I’m not one to judge, but even so I think I personally preferred the idea of choosing for myself who I spend my life with.

I nearly jumped as Rocky touched my shoulder when he came round alongside me, I had been so busy affectionately watching the Hearts, that I hadn’t really noticed his approach. I felt a little embarrassed and uncomfortable with the way he was now looking at me, as I sat there holding little Pammy on my lap … but maybe he just found the whole thing very funny ? After all we know just how much of a joker he can be, I’m sure any moment some amusingly playful quip would leave his mouth, and we would both sit there laughing about it …. Yes any minute now … any moment … ?

I waited and waited, but nothing … no little joke to try and lighten the mood, no teasing comment to try and bait me, or ease the uncomfortable tension. For a little while he didn’t even say a word, and just stood there gazing at me so very adoringly. I started to wonder what must be going on up his head at the moment, I wished I could have read his mind, it would have made things feel so much easier at this point.

When Rocky finally spoke he said ever so quietly and gently “So, how are you getting on here my Darling ?” he smiled and then added “You seem like a bit of a natural!”.

Natural !! … natural ?! … had he not just witnessed for himself how awkwardly I had started off holding the poor child ? Is he blind or something ? Or perhaps just oblivious to my total lack of any kind of mothering instincts ?

“Oh … errr, fine … I guess” I replied rather timidly, I was starting to blush even more now. Not just from Rocky’s comment, but also the very deep, almost penetrating way I felt his eyes were studying me. Why was this all so extremely fascinating to him ?

For a short while there was silence between us once more, I think we were both dying to know what the other was thinking, and feeling ? But just hadn’t got a clue how to ask ? And it’s not exactly like this was the time, or the place to discuss it, especially with the Heart’s sitting in earshot.

The pressure of all this tension was getting far too weighty on our shoulders however, I think Rocky was trying to relax things a little as he declared rather nervously “Don’t you think she looks a bit like you ? … she’s what I imagine a little Ella would look like !” He was now smiling affectionately at me, but in all honesty, if this was his attempt to try and make me fell less uncomfortable, then it had utterly failed … but then perhaps that’s not why he had said it ?!

He was now looking down at little Pammy, who was contently sitting on my lap, looking around as if she was so very interested and curious about everything going on around her. She was certainly a sweet little thing, and kind of funny. But as I peered down at her also, I wondered what on earth he was talking about ? Apart from the blue eyes, and blonde hair, which is an utterly different shade, might I add, she looked nothing like me … not even a little bit … did she ? Well Rocky obviously seemed to think so, but that just made the situation all the more worrying.

Thankfully as Heart had now taken hold of little Petey, Missy was now free to have her daughter back, which was just in time as she had started to get a little fussy, and I got the impression she might actually start crying any moment. I have to say I was rather relieved to let her go, as the whole thing was starting to feel a little overwhelming, and also ever so confusing to my delicately muddled mind.

It was then that Heart came out with a comment that cut straight through me “You just wait until you two have your own” he joked “You wont be able to give ‘em back so easily then !”.

Everyone laughed at the humorous little dig, although I just joined in so they would not be able to tell how affected I was by what he had said. I felt overcome by a wave of nerves and embarrassment. Rocky however, never said a word of reply either, he just held me close and softly caressed my shoulder. I am not sure which was worse in the end … Heart’s comment ? or Rocky’s reaction, or lack thereof to it ?

Missy was a little more astute than the guys though, and seemed to recognise my feelings of discomfort, as she quickly changed the subject, and started chatting with Rocky, asking him about Greased Lightening 2 ? Oooh that was a good one, he could talk the hind legs off a donkey about that car !

I didn’t join in though, my mind was far to pre-occupied, and seeing as they were now discussing one of Rocky’s favourite subjects in the world, I knew that he probably wouldn’t notice how distant I had become for a while yet. Which was great, as I really needed a breather, and some time to organise my thoughts properly.

Everything that had just happened kept playing over and over in my mind, and it was only then that the realisation struck … what if Rocky wants children ? What if he wanted a family, just like the Hearts ? I mean he did seem rather taken with their little girl, and he kept looking at me in such an odd but loving manner when I had been sat there with Pammy on my lap.

When you think about it, he’s 29 years old … what if he finally wants to settle down and have a family of his own, straight away ? I’m not sure I am ready for the possibility of kids yet, or even at all perhaps ? I feel far too young and innocent myself. But beyond that, children are a HUGE responsibility, and lifelong commitment for us dolls, even more so than you humans as your offspring eventually grown up, look after themselves and lead there own lives. But dolls don’t grow up, a child doll will be a child for the rest of its life, and as such require its parents to look after them, without question or complaint forever … oooh forever is a very long time, and that’s why the majority of us dolls end up not having kids ! I am far too young to get myself into that sort of thing just yet … but what if it’s a deal-breaker for Rocky ? I love him more than anything in the world, and would do anything for him, but saying that, would I really saddle myself with children before I was ready just to please him ? Surely in the end that would not be fair to anyone ? Least of all the child in question.

But then he can’t be that desperate for a family, can he ? If he were then surely he would have been keener to propose to me. But maybe that’s why he hasn’t done yet ? Perhaps he sees the only reason for marriage is to start a family ? Maybe he senses that I am not ready for that yet, and as such hasn’t proposed. But what if I am NEVER ready ?? What then ? What if I choose not to have children, as most of us dolls seem to, does that mean he will never propose, or want to marry me ?

By now my mind was getting so wound up and stressed by all the unanswered questions spinning around in my head, I knew it wasn’t going to help anything to start panicking about it, but couldn’t quite stop myself. I would just have to wait and find the right time to try and broach the subject with Rocky, when we are alone of course. But I still had that nagging doubt that just would not let go … what if Rocky and I are not as perfect for one another as I had thought ?!