Ella - The World According To A Disney Doll

Chapter 17 - "Man ! I Feel Like A Woman !" - 18th September 2012.

Sometimes it's NOT such a great idea to try on your fella's clothes when there's the potential of having an AUDIENCE to such an embarrassing display ... Oooops ! ... Ironically though, that wasn't my ONLY concern when running into Rocky for the first time since our date ...

You can find the FULL story on my facebook blog here ... https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.151090321712343.35155.150797015075007&type=3

You can check out the music slideshow to this chapter on Youtube here ... http://youtu.be/XxBecTAm0VI

Chapter 17 - "Man ! I Feel Like A Woman !".

The cloud that I had been happily floating on since Friday night was still ever present today, as I was meandering my way down the second stairs at a dreamy pace, still humming the ‘Lady In Red’ tune in my head. I was hoping to bump into Rocky so that I could return his jacket, but more importantly just REALLY wanted to see him again. In truth though, I had chosen the route of the second stairs to make my way down as it was a path much less used my most of the dolls. I wasn’t too sure I was ready to be confronted with more probing questions about my love life just yet, and I knew that seeing everyone again was going to make me feel rather awkward.

It was as I neared the bottom step that I noticed how the Autumn weather had already started to turn, it felt much colder than it had been the last time I had worn my cute spotty picnic dress. I considered heading back upstairs again to change but for some reason didn’t really fancy climbing all the way back up just yet.

I rubbed my arms and cuddled close to Rocky’s jacket, sighing longingly, I couldn’t help but remember the moment when he had given it to me so gallantly when our evening together had drawn to a close.

Now, I probably should have known better, but to be honest I wasn’t really thinking straight at the time, and so the daft idea suddenly came to me that I should try on Rocky’s jacket, just to see what it would look like on me, after all it would also warm me up a little bit at the same time. So how could that be a bad thing ? … right ?

I had remembered that there was a mirror at the bottom of the stairs that was sitting on the floor waiting to be properly hung up on the wall, so that was the perfect height for me to use and see how I looked. I couldn’t help but giggle when I saw my reflection, the jacket was obviously too big for me, but all the same it reminded me of ‘my guy’ and I smiled at myself whilst thinking of him.

I did not, at this point, notice that I was not alone in the room, like I had thought. Looking back on it now, I must have looked like a right vain idiot, standing there admiring myself wearing a guys jacket over my summer dress. But like I said, I had not noticed that there was someone who had spotted me and was slowly approaching from behind.

“It suits you” said a chuckling voice which caught me rather off guard, as I looked up and saw Rockys face staring at me in the mirror reflection. I was so shocked I just gasped in horror!

Of all the people that could have possibly been there to witness my rather embarrassing display, it of course, had to be the one person in the entire world that I would not have wanted to see me like this. Oh god …!!!! This was the most embarrassing moment of my life, and not exactly what I had planned as an ideal first encounter after the magic of our wonderful date together.

I instantly turned around rather mortified, but now he was right there in front of me, I backed up to the glass of the mirror behind me, but there was no escaping this. Rocky was there and he had obviously seen everything that I had been doing, and I could not believe I had once again managed to make a fool of myself in front of him.

“I … I … I was just … I errr … well you see …” and now that I had opened my mouth I had even managed to make a bad situation worse by babbling like a village idiot. Great work, that’s just perfect, well done there Ella, I thought to myself as I was still a little unsure about how I was going to explain my way out of this one ?

As I stood their silent, still desperately trying to think of something, anything, that might have explained my actions, Rocky came to my rescue. He came up close, gently stroked my arm with compassion taking my hand in his and said.

“I see you are still wearing the flower I gave you”.

My Hero!!! Thank god he had changed the subject and not pressed me for an explanation of my earlier behaviour, he was such a sweety, and probably more good to me than I deserved.

“Ohhhh, yes” I smiled as I looked down and realised what he was referring to “I wanted to keep it with me always …well as long as it lasts, that is … I hope you don’t mind ?”

Once again I had unintentionally managed to make Rocky smile, as he tried to keep his composure and replied

“Of course not, I’m just glad you like it”.

For some reason the look on his face told me that he was truly touched by the fact that I was still wearing his flower, even days after our night out was over. But I guess when you think about it, actions speak louder than words and mine were obviously screaming out loud what my feelings for Rocky were.

With the initial discomfort and my odd behaviour now starting to move behind us, Rocky put his arm around me rather tenderly and asked.

“So where have you been hiding these last couple of days ? The others have been asking about you”.

I didn’t really quite know what to say, as I hadn’t really been hiding, well I had in a way, but not from him. And then all of a sudden I wondered if he thought I had been avoiding him since Friday ? Oh god, he didn’t did he ? As that really was not what had happened. I started to panic and once again had an unstoppable urge to babble.

“I wasn’t avoiding you” I blurted, but that didn’t really come out like I had meant it, and in a way somehow seemed to sound like I ‘had’ been avoiding him, it wasn’t the question that he had asked but for some reason I was answering something completely different for no apparent reason what so ever. As I continued to speak I could feel myself digging a deeper and deeper hole from which there would be no escape.“.. I mean, I wasn’t hiding. Well, not from you, not from anyone really, well truthfully I was sort of hiding, but again not from you” oh my word, what was I saying ? This was awful, just awful.

This time Rocky really could not keep a straight face and burst out laughing as he watched me floundering in nonsensical sentence’s.

“Ok, so we have established that you weren’t hiding from me … but perhaps you were, a little bit, from the others?” he was trying to help me out, and lets be fair, at this point I REALLY needed it. His face started to come over more serious and concerned as he went on “Sweetheart, why were you hiding from our friends ?”.

Sweetheart? Had he really just called me Sweetheart ? Awwww, I was so caught up by him saying the Sweetheart bit that I had almost not really listened to the rest of his question. But then I saw him looking at me patiently awaiting my answer and I felt a little embarrassed as I realised that the Sweetheart bit was probably not actually supposed to be the most important part of what he had just said to me … oh dear.

Sensing that this problem of mine may not be as simple as he had first thought, Rocky led me over to the base of the stairs so that we could sit down together on the step and things would feel a little more comfortable so that we could continue our discussion.

As we sat there he lovingly took my hand again, which made me feel so safe, and he asked again.

“So, are you actually gonna tell me what’s bothering you ? …. Or are we going to have to play a game of charades? …. or learn sign language ? …. or something else so that I can figure it out?”.

I couldn’t help but giggle at his comments, Rocky always knew exactly how to lighten the mood when I was having difficulty expressing myself, and sometimes a bit of ill-placed humour was just the thing to help clear my head and enable me to gather my thoughts a little better.

“Well, I …” oh great this was starting like it was going to be about as coherent as my last explanation, but somehow I managed to pull myself together enough to start to explain a little better. “I’m not sure that I’m ready … to face them, all together, as ‘us’ … with all the looks, and comments, and questions, and teasing, and I know they don’t mean anything by it, but ..”.

I think that Rocky could tell that I had not quite finished what I was trying to say to him, so he quietly waited for me to be able to continue in my own time. I really had to hold my nerve though, I could not quite look him in the eyes to finish this next part “I’m shy … I don’t know what I am doing. I haven’t a clue how to be part of a couple, how I’m supposed to behave, that is? and I’m afraid that I will do something silly, well more silly than normal, and they will all end up laughing at me and … and … and you will be disappointed in me”.

I felt an idiot for saying it, but I had to be honest, I owed Rocky at least that, no matter if it did make me look like a naive dim-witted fool from the admission alone.

This time Rocky did not laugh or chuckle, or even look remotely amused by my statement. He could tell this was something that was obviously a BIG worry of mine, especially to have kept me away from our friends for so long, and so it had to be taken seriously and dealt with with delicate care and understanding.

“Well” he sighed as he pulled me closer and I rested my head on his shoulder “That’s something we’re gonna have to work on then, aren’t we ? … Together” I was so pleased that he had not made me feel silly, but was still a little unnecessarily worried that a joke was coming when he added “Ella, I just want to clear something up, ok ? …. I would never, ever be disappointed in you for being you … and all those ‘silly’ as you put it, things you do, they’re a very lovable part of makes you who you are. I don’t expect, or want you to change for me. And if you don’t feel confident or comfortable enough just yet, for us to be a couple in front of everyone else, then where they are concerned we’ll just take it slow, baby steps, and see how it goes … how does that sound ?”.

I was speechless, I could not manage a worded reply but did give a happy appreciative little nod of the head to let him know that I had heard what he had said.

We sat together quietly in each others arms for a long time, and I wondered what on earth I had done to deserve this wonderful, understanding guy ? The more time we spend together the more amazing Rocky seemed to become, but in return, the more daft I appeared to behave.

On reflection, I don’t think I was fully prepared for the rush of conflicting emotions that a first romance and relationship can bring, but luckily I would not have to go through it alone. I truly felt unworthy of him and was becoming increasing curious about what it was that he really saw in me ? as I haven’t a clue what it is about me that had captivated him so ? In the end though I decided that this was not the moment to ask such a thing, and instead realised that rather than asking why he cared about me so, I should for the moment at least, just be grateful and thank my lucky stars that he did !